So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
