Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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