im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Every concussion has its silver lining
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
