Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
