he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Too much gin, very little bucket
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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