Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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