I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
