This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
