Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
