i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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