You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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