I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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