She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
