You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
