no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
