My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
