I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
