i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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