You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
