Can i not drive my cunt home
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
