You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
