the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
