whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Holy shit dude........stairs
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