the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Jerry, you need to find god
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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