Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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