no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
