Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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