the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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