I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The adults are the big ones right?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize