So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
