Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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