I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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