the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
