You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
