tell your sister to shave her snatch
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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