the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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