Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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