You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
