is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
