I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I forgot how hot balto sounded
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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