I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
