I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
