Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
