We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
