the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
