I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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