the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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