Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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