Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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