wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
