I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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