I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
