He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
