You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
