Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
