im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
