mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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