it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I want to be your penis for a week.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
