Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Sext me about skeletons
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
