chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
