I accidentally had phone sex last night
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
