I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
3pm strippers are depressing
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
