I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Congratulations! We have a period
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
