I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize