just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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