I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
