No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
