You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
