how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
