Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
