drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
