I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
