the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
